My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
