Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
