He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
