I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
