Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
