how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
