i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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