1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Say something about gay babies.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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