just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
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Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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