We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
