I can't watch pbs sober anymore
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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