hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
