Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
