here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How external is "for external use only"?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
