If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
