I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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