Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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