he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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