why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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