haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
