So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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