Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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