The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
