Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
