So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Even my vagina gasped.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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