i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
