The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
