They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We're too hungover to prance.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
