i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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