i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Randomize
