loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
