First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
