Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
