i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
