it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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