We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
