so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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