If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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