As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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