Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
