youre lurking in front of me
"it" just moved
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
