VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
