i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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