He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
