I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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