I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
