It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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