Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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