I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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