She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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