I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
