her vagine was all disorganized.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
