and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
