The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
