And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
