yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
