you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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