I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
