You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
