Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
