Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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