Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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