Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
