The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
