i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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