Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
