when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
