I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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