I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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