i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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