I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
