All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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