The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
