I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
