Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
