It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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