Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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